Dick-O-Rama!

Talk about temptation.

Most people that grew up in the Seattle Area have eaten at Dick's Drive-in and know that the cheap burgers are widely appreciated and devoured.  I remember going there as a child with my Dad in his 1965 Impala before or after Mariners games.  I remember going there with my Mom before or after visiting Grandma and Grandpa.  I remember making trips out to Lake City with friends on the weekends, and bringing college friends up from Oregon just to try a Dick's Deluxe.

Once in high school, a friend thought he could get to the Lake City Dick's during lunch, and get back to Juanita High School without being late to class.  He walked into class 10 minutes late, but proudly held up his Dick's bag.  The teacher excused his tardy knowing the value of a Dick's burger.  The next day, I told my tardy friend to meet me at my car, the previously mentioned Impala was now mine, right after 4th period.  I told him that I thought I could get to Dick's and back without being late.  He laughed and said it was not possible, but he would join me.  A third friend joined in the fun and the next day we sped out of the parking lot moments after 4th period ended.

I should still be in jail for all the laws I broke on this little lunch-time jaunt.  I was driving 80 mph in a 25 mph zone and passing people on the shoulder.  I would use the left turn lane at lights as a passing lane going 90 mph on Bothell Way.  I crossed into on coming traffic to pass people while going up and over Simons Road.  I ran red lights, used the bus only lane and even hit a sidewalk during one stunt-like pass.  By the time we got to Dick's, my two buddies were curled up in the fetal position in the backseat with their eyes closed.

I ordered for the three of us, threw the food in the backseat with the babies and started back toward Kirkland.  We made it back with about 5 minutes to spare.

That is the power of Dick's!  So last night when I attended the Dick-O-Rama, which is hitting all 6 locations in one evening, I was tested.  Is this a true life change?  Answer, yes.  I only had a Diet Coke, Coffee, and two hamburgers.  I finished the night with an extra 300 calories in my pocket!

It feels good to make good choices!

Reflection

Pledge plans.  That is what gave me the idea.  In 8^th grade math, students begin to develop a deeper understanding of linear algebra.  We provide a variety of real-life problems that use linear algebra to make the math more concrete and relevant to their lives.  Ordering T-shirts for sports team, buying trays of muffins from Costco and Pledge Plans for a Walk-A-Thon are among these real-life problems.

The pledge plans vary in dollar amounts to show how the equations can affect the tables, graphs and money raised.  A $5 donation plus $2 per lap would look like, y=2x+5.  We have used supplements like this in class for years, and students connect to these problems fairly quickly.  This last summer I was hiking with a fellow math teacher, Chris Harrison, and we were discussing these supplements and how we could improve upon them.  He asked if anyone at Relay For Life uses pledge plans to raise money, and I knew a few kids that tried it last year with limited success.  He asked if I had considered using pledge plans and I told him that as Event Chair I did not have enough time to walk a lot of laps, so a per lap model would not benefit me much.  This conversation led me to consider variations on the same idea.  $1 per ___?  What could I do that would fill in this blank?

I have season tickets to Husky Football with a group of friends, and we tailgate with The Dawg Sled.  Two good friends, Matt and Erin, had recently begun losing weight by using myfitnesspal and the P90 videos.  They were looking great and became the topic of a few tailgate conversations.  These conversations became awkward for my friends.  My keen observation skills allowed me to see that some of them were trying to tactfully tell me that I needed to do something about my weight.  They tried to delicately tell me that my weight was out of control.  That must not have been easy for you guys, but I thank you!

Discussing the pledge plan supplements and being reminded that I was too many tons-of-fun, got me thinking about combining these two goals.  I threw the idea out to a few folks, and it was well received.  We discussed the parameters of such a fundraiser/life-change.  Would I ask for fifty-cents per pound, $1 per pound or $2 per pound?  It was suggested that I make the minimum $1, and then let people decide if they wanted to pledge more, but I should not restrict people’s generosity. 

The idea was hatched, and began writing my initial email.  It was humbling to write about my failure to be even remotely healthy.  I was embarrassed to allow so many people into my sad state, but I told myself, “This can’t be any more embarrassing than walking around at this weight.”  I poured a lot into that email, and I read it over several times trying to make sure I did not misrepresent my intentions.  I wanted to be honest about my goals, and what I was asking in return.

The response was incredible!  As the number of people willing to sponsor my weight-loss climbed over 25, 50, 100 and finally ending at 126 people, I felt knots in my stomach.  I felt a weight on my shoulders that I had never felt.  For my entire life, if I was fat, I felt like I was only letting myself down.  Now I felt that if I stayed fat, I would be letting 126 people down.  I am people pleaser.  That is my personality type.  The thought of letting down 126 people scared me, and that was my initial motivation.  I changed my eating habits and started walking because I did not want to fail with so many people behind me. 

As time progressed and the weight started coming off, things changed.  My clothes started to fit better, then they were too big, then I pulled out my old smaller clothes, and they started to be too big.  I shopped at Value Village for sizes I had not fit in 7-8 years, and now they fit. Now those are too big.  My cholesterol dropped 75 points!  I had a hop in my step that I have not had in 10 years.  My shoes fit better, my car seemed bigger, my golf swing is smoother, I can walk up a flight of stairs without feeling winded, I sweat less and I am happier.

My view of this whole thing switched.  My driving force started with fundraising and being a better role model for my students, then it was not to embarrass myself with 126 people on board, and then it became health, fitness and happiness.  The physical and mental benefits started to shine and I wanted to eat healthier and be more active to be a better me.  I look back at my posts and I see this transformation.

I thanked everyone for being my motivation to get started.  I thanked everyone for supporting the ACS.  I thanked everyone for their encouragement.  I thanked everyone for their weight-loss ideas.  I thanked everyone for being my army.  I thought of my army those first few months, and it gave me strength.  As time passed and the weight continued the fall, my strength came from the progress, the results, the happiness and I realized that this is not temporary.  This is not over.  I am internally motivated to lose more, do more and be fit!

I went shopping at Target the other day to buy, well…I’ll just say it.  I needed to underwear because my old ones were too big and not doing their duty. While I was there I noticed some Golf Polos.  At first I did not give them much attention because I have not been able to buy shirts at a store like Target in almost 20 years. The biggest size they have is 2XL, and I have not worn a 2XL since junior year of high school, but since I have dropped 10 pant sizes, I thought, “Why not take a look?”  I held a few up and felt like it was a possibility that they could fit.  I threw a couple in my cart and told myself that if they didn’t fit, I could always bring them back.

When I got home I eagerly took off my sweatshirt and tried on the first polo.  As I put my arms through the body of the shirt I thought for sure this is not going to fit.  You know how you get to know the feeling of shirts when you put them on?  Maybe it just big guys, but when my arms go into a shirt and I feel like I have to pinch them close together just to get my hands to the sleeves, the shirt is not going to fit.  My arms felt tight in this shirt before my hands got the sleeves and before the shirt went over my head.  But something amazing happened.  As the shirt slid down my arms and over my torso, it almost felt like the shirt grew and loosened up on me.  I know the shirt did not grow, but it was I that had shrunk.  I am maybe 10 pounds away from wearing these polos and being completely comfortable in them.  2XL!?  What?  I can hardly believe it.  Abercrombie, here I come!  :)

I think I made up for not writing a post in awhile by writing too much.  Oh well, I will be more consistent now that school is winding down and Relay is finished.  To answer some questions I have received: No, not everyone came through on their donations.  But I am in a 2XL, so I have better things to occupy my thoughts with now!

Type A I Am Not

Relay For Life Week is an insane week of last minute meetings, Bank Night, registration reports, money reports, chaperone meetings and student organizing.  The very next week was End of Course Exams for our Alg 1 and Geometry students.  As Dept Head, I had a responsibility to help create the scheduling for those days, prepare over 230 graphing calculators for testing, pass along information to parents, students and teachers, and do my best to prepare my students to pass this ridiculous test.  Oh, I am one of two coordinators for a new orientation/mentor program for incoming students at our school.  Brand new program, starting this year.  All of these were in the same 10 day span!

Luckily I had help!  My Relay Committee is awesome!  Two math teachers helped me with the calcs.  The other coordinator for the new program is Type A, so she keeps me under control, and we work well together.  Couldn't have survived with these amazing people!

I still want to keep teaching my students.  There is still more I want them to know. But I need a break.

I am working on a weight-loss reflection.  It will chronicle some of my internal feelings about the past 6 months. Where I was, where I think I am going and what changes have I gone through physically and emotionally.  This will be a big piece of writing, so it is taking me longer, and I want to make sure I am clear.  I will send the big out one with an email reminder.

Thanks!

Before the After

Before I post an "After" picture of me, I wanted to look at my before pic one more time.  I felt a little nauseous when I first went back to my December post with my before pic.  Please, do not enjoy...

Losing Me, Finding Myself

Losing Me, Finding Myself

It’s not original. I did not seek out and steal a name for my blog, but after I thought of it and used it, I found that several others have used the same title for their work. I don’t remember hearing it before I started this, but I may have and then it stuck in my subconscious until the moment I typed it. That’s not the point. I chose Losing Me, Finding Myself because I felt that I had lost myself over the years. I mentioned in the post titled “What We Feel, But Do Not Tell,” that when I was deeply depressed I felt like I had to put on the “Ryan Show” when I was out of my house so people would not suspect that I was hurting so much inside. This “show” was tiresome. Physically and emotionally exhausting. But I think the “show” started long before my depression.

In school the pressure to be cool, popular and have friends was intense. I don’t think everyone felt the pressure, and if they did, they kept it to themselves. I felt it, and I found myself trying be what others thought I should be, or say what others thought I should say. Finding a balance between doing the cool thing, and being myself became difficult and often I lost track of where that line was in relation to my actions. Around some friends I was the foul-mouthed jokester that would mock anything that moved. Around other friends I was the compassionate nice guy that would listen and try to help out in any way. It was awkward for me when I felt like I had to play the two roles at the same time if I were around a group of people.

Humor became the common avenue I could use no matter who was around. I just had to scale up, or scale down the crudeness, rudeness or profanity of the joke depending on who was around. Mocking myself was not only funny, but also a defense mechanism. I felt like I needed to make fun of my weight before someone else did so they were less likely to do so. Chris Farley was the fat-funny-guy of the time, so I took on his actions and words because it made for quick and easy jokes. The balance between being myself and trying to be the fat-funny-guy definitely was lost.

Being a giant to most people I know also grew into my persona. I needed to be the guy to take on food challenges because fat-guys eat a lot! Right?!?! I ate an entire Extra Large Meat Lovers Pizza and a pint of ice cream to prove I could. I ate the 7.5-pound Burrito from Gordito’s in 18 minutes. Then when a student said he beat my time, I went back and raced him. I ate it again in 5 minutes and 34 seconds. I ate for the Burger Cycle. Single Burger, Double Burger, Triple Burger and Quad Burger. All of them with cheese! I cleared the entire Dick’s Drive-in menu in one night. And that includes having two Dick's Deluxe along the way. WTH!

Somewhere along the way, even when not presented with a challenge, I felt like I had to eat the most. When I went out to dinner with friends or family, I did not look at the menu for what sounded good. I looked at the menu for what would give me the most food.  My eating was like a 19 year old picking out his drinks at his first Frat Party. “What will get me the most drunk?” I wanted what would get me the most food-drunk.

These challenges do not make a person feel good.  You end up feeling like crap.  Forget exercise the next few days.  Your body needs time to process all those meats, preservatives and sodium.  I remember being able to step into a pick-up basketball game and hang for at least a little while.  After years of food challenges and herniated discs, I could not step into car without breathing harder.

Over the past 6 months I have shared a lot of my personal history with you.  I have shared my struggles, my victories and lessons learned.  I feel like sharing honestly with all of you has helped me find more of myself.  Just like Heather Sinclair helped me find my way to teaching.  Just like my counselor helped me find my correct thought processes.  Just like the Pear taught me that there are great foods that I have not tried yet.   And each of you, my family, my friends, and my supporters helping me find the person I am meant to be in life. 

I don’t need to be the fat-funny guy.  Funny guy will do just fine. J  I don’t need to be the challenge eater.  I will be the guy who brings his own healthy food to the party. (The one I used to mock!) I don’t need to hide my struggles and pain.  I will be the guy that shares too much and makes it awkward for everyone else because I know that bottling it up will make me want to eat away the struggles.  I will be a better me!

I don’t think I have found myself completely, but I am going to keep shedding the pounds until I find myself.  I am going to continue my weight-loss plan after this weigh-in.  I don’t have a specific goal in mind, but I know it will require support from those around me.  So if you want to keep reading, I am going to keep blogging after today.  This in itself is therapeutic. Plus, if you remember “Athletes: The Good Kind” if I can keep the weight off or lose more, one of the most generous people I know will match everything I raise this year for next year!  Thank you for the continued motivation Adam Eaton!

This is getting to be a long post!  I bet a lot of people skipped the post and went straight to the number. J  Oh well, I love ya for wanting to share in my success and for your generous donations. If you would like me to send you an email with your total amount “owed”, please let me know.  I put owed in quotes because I am not going to hold anyone’s feet to the fire on these donations.  I lost more weight than some of you thought when you signed on, and you may not have realized that I could have lost this much.  Also, I am already going to set a fundraising record for the Northshore Relay Event, so I am not going to worry about who and how much and …blah, blah.

Use this link to go directly to my fundraising page and donate.  This is a secure site, and is pretty easy to use.  If you would like my mailing address, please let me know.

Thanks to everyone again and again! 

I have lost 10 lbs since May 1^st for a Grand Total of 85 POUNDS!!  According to my crazy math, your generosity has helped raise $15,045 for cancer research and patient support!!  If I throw in my Wine vs.Cancer money, my total should reach over $20,000 this week!!

You Say No. I Can't Say It.

Learning to say no can be difficult.  For me saying no can be harder than eating 10 Saltine Crackers and whistling. More difficult than taking down a spoon full of cinnamon. More challenging than jumping rope on a Pogo stick.  And tougher than watching a child hit a whiffle ball into their father’s privates and not laugh.  I am not saying that I never say no.  When I don’t have a choice in the matter, or I already have a commitment, I can say no without worry.  But lately my ability to say no has been derailed by sincere requests for help.

Every Wednesday I offer free tutoring to all of my students.  I tell them from the first week if school, “I will stay after school for 2 hours every Wednesday and help anyone that has questions.”  Early in the school year, I don’t get many takers.  A couple of A-students wanting to earn Brownie-points will stay, and then maybe one or two kids that actually need help.  When the D/F grades start showing up on progress reports, the parents start to calling and emailing.  I mention Want Help Wednesdays and all of a sudden I have 20 kids in my room on Wednesdays.  It’s hard to give every kid the attention they deserve.

A couple of months ago I was meeting with one of my 9^th graders who I had been worried about because all Alg 1 students need to pass an End Of Course Exam in order to graduate from high school.  Oh and next year, they all have to pass a Geometry End Of Course Exam to graduate high school.   I am not going to hop on my Soap Box now, but these High-Stakes Tests are a bunch of B.S.!  Anywho, this kid has not passed a state test since the 3^rd grade, and I need to get her to pass the Alg 1 EOC.  We were discussing how I could help her, and she said that she could not come on Wednesdays because she has other Wednesday commitments, but she asked if she could stay on Mondays.  So, here I have a 15-year-old student who is willing to give up 2 hours of her own time to stay and work on math. How can I say no? 

Turns out, kids talk.  I now have 7 kids that stay every Monday for 2 hours.  I had to limit Mondays to just my Alg 1 students who did not pass the state test last year. (I have a lot more than 7 students who did not pass the state test last year, but these are the ones that are willing to stay and are able to get rides home.) Otherwise I would have 20+ students like I do on Wednesdays.  I also have one student that can only stay every other Friday due to divorced parents and house hopping.  I can’t say no to a kid that is willing to give up their Fridays to get better at math, can I?

Then there is Relay For Life.  Just in the month of May I can count 22 days in which I had at least one Relay meeting, fundraiser, speaking engagement or obligation.  A lot of those days had multiple meetings, or they took up most of the day.  “Hey Ryan, we are having fundraiser and it would be great if you could come give the opening remarks and talk about the Northshore Relay and the good work ACS is doing?”  How do I say no to that?

Sleep has been an afterthought.  Exercise has been non-existent.  Luckily, myfitnesspal keeps my eating somewhat under control.   This has not been my healthiest month, but life can get like this, and I feel like I have done well under the circumstances.

One thing that helps me when life gets this tough is knowing that I have an army of supporters behind me. People that are willing to sponsor my weight-loss, give me eating tips, exercise tips, go on a hike with me, walk with me and talk me through the rough patches.  I may already sound like a broken record, but I thank you for giving me the motivation, the encouragement and belief that I can make this life-change come true.  Thank you!

My final weigh-in post will be coming tomorrow. Check back!

One more thing: Relay For Life is on June 2^nd and I would love it if you all came by to see the amazing work my committee has done to make this event happen.  I may not be able to talk to you as much as I would like because I will be running around in full stress mode, but I would still love to see you there.  I also know that I have a few readers that are cancer survivors. Please, please come walk in the Survivor Lap!  It’s how we start Relay, and YOU are the reason we Relay!  Survivors take the first lap, and 1000 people honor your fight by cheering you on.  You may not like to receive the attention, but it is powerful and makes our time and effort worth it to see so many survivors on the track.  If you know any survivors, please ask them to come walk with us!  I don’t care if they don’t live in Northshore. Bring them and share in this amazing event.  Survivors can register to walk the opening lap with the link below.  We want you to register so we can have a shirt and gift for you.  Please, please sign up all survivors!

www.relayforlife.org/northshorewa

The Final Days, Or The Start

Saturday is my big weigh-in and I am feeling a bit scared. I'll be honest (because I haven't been honest at all on this blog), I am completely frightened of what will happen after Saturday. Do I have what it takes to keep this going?

I have spoken to many people about how much I have learned in this process. I expressed that I was surprised at simplicity of losing the weight. Eat less, exercise more. Stick to it. I have rambled on and on that I know I can continue my healthy eating habits well after this Saturday, but the truth is, I'm scared.

I have lost weight before and I put it back on. I have felt like an athlete before and ended up on my couch like a bump on a log. I am already thinking about what I will eat on Sunday! Am I going to throw all this hard work away?

I lay in bed and type this on my phone wondering, are these the final days, or the start to a lifetime of a better me?

I'm scared

I Have An App For That

I should be a spokesman for myfitnesspal.

Umm, yeah.

A Different Kind of Weight

There is an old SNL skit with Jay Mohr, Chris Farley and some other guys in which they were talk show hosts. The topic of the show was weight lifting and all of the hosts had these padded sweatshirts on to make their upper body look massive and then sticking out from the chairs were fake little chicken legs that flopped around when they yelled. They would take call-in questions and begin every conversation with, "What 'cha bench?" The skit basically made fun of guys that feel that being ripped makes them more of a man. The skit always ended with all of the hosts having a 'Roid-rage.'

I think of that skit sometimes when I am tempted to talk about my lifting days while playing football. My job on the field was to protect my QB and running back by tossing around 250-300lb men. It required some strength and a lot if technique. In the off season I would lift five days a week and during the season three days a week.

The reason I bring this up, I am approaching my playing weight from my freshman year of college. It's not a low weight and not where I want to end up, but it is a benchmark number for me. I also realize that back then, I had a lot more muscle than I do now. So the number on the scale may read the same very soon, but it's a different kind of weight. I still have a lot more fat than I did then. I will be proud when I reach it, but it will also be a reminder that I can do even better.

Here's to reaching a benchmark and knowing it's just a marker of better things to come!

May Madness

10 days since my last post.  I did not realize it had been so long.  Numerous new adventures are in full motion right now, and I recognized my lack of writing only after being prompted by a few people who were missing their afternoon distraction from work, that is my blog.

I mentioned in an earlier post about a training I attended at Skamania Lodge over Spring Break.  That training, the best I have ever been to, was for a program that I am helping kick start at my school called WEB (Where Everyone Belongs).  We train student leaders who will run the 7th grade orientation for new students, and teach them how to be great junior high students.  It is a program that continues throughout the school year with check-ins with new students and fun activities to keep them involved in the school.  It will be amazing, but starting the program is a great deal of work.

Relay For Life fundraisers are constantly happening throughout the month of May and as the event chair, I have a hand in most of them.  I was a judge in a Battle of the Bands, my committee and I organized a Garage Sale for 20 teams, I help promote jewelry sales, bake sales, Jamba Juice sales, auctions, sweatshirt sales, raffles and candle parties.  Each fundraiser usually comes with a planning meeting with me, supplies needed from me, and a post event meeting with me.

Then I have my own fundraisers that I am running.  I had a "booth" at last week's garage sale, which was great!  Thank you to my Mom, the VanGerpens, Ric and Cathy and the Baer family for their donations to my sales. Special thanks to Rich VanGerpen for lending me his truck and trailer for the day, and for prepping them, loading them and cleaning them up once I returned them to you in a less than perfect state. :)

This Saturday (5/12) I have Wine vs Cancer from 2-4pm at Baer Winery in Woodinville.  This is the 3rd time I have held this fundraiser and it gets better every year!  More wineries have donated this year than ever before, and more people have RSVP'd than ever before.  I can't express how much great wine we have this year.  The price of a tasting at a winery is $5, and if you come to this event, you get to taste up to 20 of Washington's Best Wines for $25!  Special thanks to Baer for hosting again, Chris and Kristin for being our food and wine experts, Adam Eaton for generously donating from his own wine cellar and a round of golf at Sahalee Country Club for 3!  Please come by, all are welcome.

Throughout all of these new adventures, I am finding the time to eat healthy.  I am dedicated to using myfitnesspal everyday and making sure I am meeting my nutritional goals.  I have not weighed in since May 1st, and I won't until May 25th.  I don't think I will hit my last goal of 90 pounds lost, but I am not stopping after May 25th either.  I may not stop until I reach 125 pounds lost...stay tuned.

Not So New, But New

Relay For Life of Northshore is having a Garage Sale this Saturday at Pop Keeney in Bothell from 10am-2pm.  Yes, it was a shameless plug, but it is also the start to my blog topic for today.

Riffling through my Mom's garage looking for items that I could take to the Relay garage sale, I found two bags of clothes that I had been storing there since the tree fell on my house 16 months ago.  These were clothes that I either outgrew, as in I was too fat for, or I purchased online and when they arrived, I could not get my fat-ass into them.  A lot of them were brand new, with tags still on them.

I took them home and sorted them into piles.  One pile, crap to get rid of.  Another, still need to lose more weight.  And the third pile, holy crap this looks good, and I can fit into it now!  Needless to say, I am very excited to have some new, but not new clothes to wear.  I was worried about the in-between stages of my weight-loss where I didn't want to buy a new wardrobe, but the bagginess of my current clothes looked a bit ridonkulous.  I debated on throwing these clothes out after the tree fell because, "I won't be that small ever again..."  But now they fit.  It feels good!

Today was my 2nd to last weigh-in.  I will not weigh-in again until May 25th, the last day of this fundraiser.  Not even an unofficial weigh-in to check myself.  I want that last number to be a surprise!  After May 25th, that's when you all need to pay up. :)  You will have one week from the final weigh-in to the day of Relay to get your donations in.  I am not going to hold anyone's feet to the fire on the donation amount.  If I lost more than you had thought I would, don't worry about the donation amount.  I appreciate the motivation you gave me, and the support along the way.  I owe my life to each one of you. Thank you for helping me find myself!

Today's weigh-in, I dropped 5 pounds for a total of 75 pounds lost!  What can I do in the final 25 days?!?!?!

Not Your Typical Options

Eating has taken on an almost sport-like quality.  The object of the game is to stay under the calorie goal for the day, while still eating food that has a taste that won't make me feel like I am missing out on the 'good stuff,' and eating a quantity that won't make my tum-tum feel empty all the time.  This is a game of trial an error, and sometimes the error will smack you right in the ass.

I may have written about the day that I thought I had enough calories left to have dessert at Applebee's.  Even after dinner I had like 800 calories left, so I ordered the ice cream with a cookie. It was delicious! Then I plugged it into myfitnesspal and saw it was 1500 calories!  Smack!

It's the little things that make the difference.  I grew up eating Mayo on pretty much everything. Sandwiches, artichoke, tomatoes, tuna, hot dogs and sometimes on salads. I could have eaten mayo by the spoon full and not batted an eye.  I said goodbye to mayo long ago, but before I started this life-change, it was cheese on everything.  Now I have to make a decision. Do I put a slice of cheese on my sandwich, or be able to eat a quarter cup of trail mix later today?  I'll take the trail mix every time.

Some other little choices that are helping me win the sport of eating right:  Using non-fat sour cream on sandwiches instead of another condiment.  Marie's Yogurt Dressing on my salads.  It is creamy and flavorful without all the calories and fat.  Kellogg's Fiber Plus Antioxidants is the best cereal I have found.  It only has 26 total carbs, nine of which are dietary fiber, and the cinnamon flavor reminds me of the sugary cereals of my youth, but without all the calories.  Of course MGD 64 for when I need a beverage after work, but don't want to kill my dinner calories.

These are a few of my new food choices.  Leave a comment and tell me about your good choices.

Kindle Fire!

Thank you to those that could donate for my entry into the Kindle Fire drawing.  I received about $1200 in about 30 hours for 24 entries into the drawing.  I will let you all know if I win.

Your support means so much to me!

Running, Jogging, Laboring

Running.  This is what I did in Jr High when I was part of the Track and Field team.  I ran the two mile race and although I did not win much, I improved and ended the season with a decent time.  Running four miles was nothing for me.  I would run four miles, and when I finished, I wasn't breathing hard nor was I fatigued.

Jogging. This is what I did when I was still somewhat athletic.  I jogged to warm-up for a football practice.  I jogged to burn calories after a day of bad decisions in my eating.  I jogged to the gym, lifted weights, and jogged home.  I would sometimes jog out of boredom because it was easy and people on TV said I should be active.

Laboring.  That is what I did yesterday.  I have been feeling good lately.  Feeling like my inner-athlete is trying to get out.  I want him to get out; I need him to get out.  So I set my alarm for 6:30am and drove the 7 minutes to my school to use the workout room.  I used the elliptical trainer for 20 minutes, but then listened to my inner-athlete bagging on the layers of fat.  After 20 minutes on the elliptical, I hopped off and went out to the track.  "I can do this," I desperately tried to convince myself.

I started running, like I did in Jr High.  This feels good. My inner-athlete was happy...for about 75 meters.  Then my body said, "Uhh, no."  I slowed down to a jog.  That seemed to work for the next 300 meters, but then it became laborious. I finished the full lap, laboring the final 25 meters.  I was breathing hard and felt fatigued.  I walked for a half-lap, and felt ready again. I started at a jog, and felt good for the first 350 meters, but labored through the final 50 meters of the lap.  I walked for a half-lap, and started again. This time my jog was a reduced version. Shorter strides, slower pace, but still a jog.  This worked well as I finished the full-lap feeling good.  I walked a half-lap, and started the reduced version of a jog again.  I was feeling good for 300 meters, but labored through the final 100 meters.

It's a start.  One mile jogged, with half-laps between each full-lap.  For now I will take it as a starting point, and use it as something to build on.

As always, thank you all for making this a reality for me. I could not have done this without your help, encouragement and love!

Finish Strong

Stepping on the scale this morning, I felt like I had made some good changes in my eating schedule and added steps to my day.  I am feeling a little spring in my step and a desire to try some activities that have been lost to me for quite sometime.  I even considered jogging for the first time in years. 

Luckily, or unluckily(time will decide), someone was already at the track at the high school.  Since this will be my first time jogging in years, and I am sure my muscle-memory for that activity is no longer in place and I am sure I will look like a fool; I chose to wait.  But why do you need a high school track to jog Big Guy?  This might be my own mental block, but I feel like my body reacts better with a rubber track under my feet, than with concrete when this much weight is coming down on them repeatedly.  It's coming soon, but no will appear video to prove it.

I have lost 7 pounds since my last weigh-in, and am down a total of 70 with about 40 days left.  I need to stay focused and make sure that after this "Final Official Weigh-in", I continue with this life-change.  My "Finish Strong" is to finish the rest of my life strong.  Not just these next 40 days.  I have developed good habits. I now think about food in terms of nutrients vs calories.  I have increased my activity and become a healthier me.  Finish Strong, for life!

I am down in Skamania for a student orientation training that another teacher and I will be leading next year.  Not the ideal spring break to be working, but I know it will be fun.  Problem is, every meal is buffet.  Dinner was lots of pasta dishes and steak dishes.  I had two helpings of garden salad.  I hope the options get better over the next 3 days!

I'm Feeling It

Reiterating what I have said in previous posts, I know my body pretty well.  I could tell my body hit a wall at the end of last month, and the night before my weigh-in I was talking with a friend on the phone and predicted a 2-3 pound weight-loss for those two weeks.  The next day was a 3 pound loss.  About a month earlier I was predicting a big number and that weigh-in was an 8 pound loss.

Tomorrow's weigh-in is a turning point for me I think.  I am bouncing off the wall that I hit at my last weigh-in.  I made some changes to my eating schedule.  Most importantly, I am trying to eat more at breakfast & lunch, and then less at dinner.  I am also trying to add more steps in my day.  You know that little thing that you have heard so many times in your life.  Add more steps and you'll be healthier.  Well I am finally putting that into action.  I am taking 15-20 minutes during my prep period at school to walk around campus, and after school I will either walk around the campus again, or take a walk in my neighborhood when I get home.  I am not as consistent as I want to be, but making the conscious effort is helping.

My body is starting to feel more like an athlete again.  My life before this weight-loss was a life of used-to-be.  I used to be a football player.  I used to be able to hike Mt. Si.  I used to be able to run a 5k.  I used to be able to put on my shoes without grunting. I used to be able to do a lot of things.  Those activities are coming back to my life, and life is good!

I am not going to predict another 8 pound loss, but I think a 6-7 pound loss will not be out of the realm of possibilities.  I won't be able to blog tomorrow as I will be driving down to Skamania Lodge for a student related training.  Not the way I was hoping to spend my Spring Break, but I volunteered for it because this will be good for kids.  So look for my post about my latest weigh-in on Monday.

Thanks for your support!

Happy Feet

Once I entered the 7th grade, finding shoes that fit me became difficult.  I always had large feet, but that summer they sprouted like weeds on the first sunny day in spring.  Back then to hear that someone was wearing a size 13 shoe meant that they were likely in the NBA, and probably six feet, six inches tall.  My mom had to trek me from mall to mall in search of a store with size 13 that didn't look like they were made for a geriatric with plantar fasciitis.  Nordstrom Rack, or Famous Footwear were our most successful stops.

Over the years, more and more people have feet that are growing into freakish sizes, which I guess makes it less freakish.  So more and more stores are carrying bigger shoes, but my feet kept growing and by the time I was a senior in high school, I was a size 15.  It got to the point that if we found a store with my size, we bought the shoes before I even laid my eyes on them.  I would walk into a store and ask if they had size 15, and the clerk would check the computer. "Yup, one pair of..."  And I would cut him off, "I'll take them."  There were years that my shoes looked like I had received them free, from the peace corp, after they were thrown from the back of a moving truck in a desolate country.

Then a few years ago I found an new shoe store that opened in Portland, Oregon.  They were hoping to set themselves apart by filling a much needed area of the shoe market.  They only sell sizes 14 and up.  They work with shoe companies to get large sizes in almost every brand and style.  They sell casual, athletic, sport, dress, sandal and everything in between.  Oddball.com became my favorite website.  I read an article about how NBA stars fly into Portland just for the shoe store.  One 1st round pick dropped over $100,000 on shoes.

They were trying to attract internet business, so they offered free shipping for their first year.  I was like a fat kid in a candy store who just found $50 on the ground.  I was buying basketball shoes even though I hadn't played basketball in years.  I bought dress shoes even though I never dress up.  I bought those cool brown leathery shoes that look like they have straps going at all angles.  I bought several different versions of them to be honest.  I had liked those shoes for years, but could never get them in my size. Now I have four different pairs, four different brands.  Then a few years ago, I bought a limited edition pair of shoes that I haven't even put on yet.  They are way too cool for day-to-day wear, so I am saving them for a special occasion.  It's been three years, still waiting...maybe my final weigh-in day.

My students noticed my shoe obsession a couple of years ago.  "Mr. Adams, do you have a shoe fetish?"  "Why?"  "I have kept track and you have worn a different pair of shoes for 12 straight school days."  I guess my students will pay attention to anything besides math.  Even my feet.

I have managed my small addiction and kept myself from buying shoes for the about a year. Until this week.  Now that I am lighter, feeling good and ready to ramp up my exercise, I needed some new shoes.  I bought a pair of walking shoes.  They are Nike, plenty of cushion and breath well.  I bought a pair of running shoes.  They are Adidas, plenty of cushion, really nice support, and breath very well.  Then a pair of trail-runners.  They are Puma, and I have never purchased trail-runners before, so I am not sure if they are good.  But they look awesome!

By The Numbers

I figured I am 4 months into this life-change and I have lost 60+ pounds, I should go see my doctor to make sure I am not doing something wrong, or losing weight at a rate that would be considered unhealthy.  I really like my Doc!  He is down to earth, he does not try and push the latest meds and he has a positive spin on just about everything.

Last Spring around this time, I was in to see him about some numbness in my hands.  I told him, "I think it is because I am sleeping differently and I may have pinched a nerve or something, but I am sure you'll tell me that I am diabetic now fatty!"  He chuckled and examined my extremities.  He came to the conclusion that I could be right about the sleeping idea because I was not showing any signs of carpal tunnel, and he doubted that I had diabetes.  I wanted to make sure, so we agreed to a blood draw.

Turns out, the Doc was right.  My glucose may have been on the high side of normal, but it was in the normal range.  He did suggest that I think about making some changes because it was on the high side, and my cholesterol was at 234, and 200 is kinda the magic number to stay under.  I remember a 2004 blood draw in which my cholesterol was at 170, so this 64 point jump made me worry a bit.  I think that minor scare helped encourage me to audition for Biggest Loser, and after missing that cut, to start thinking of other ways to get started on my life-change.  Hence you all.

I had sent my blog link to my Doc about a month into this weight-loss, just to see if he thought that first month of 24 pounds was too drastic and he said it sounded like I was doing it the right way, so keep going.  On this week's visit, I requested a blood draw to see where my numbers were, and determine if losing the weight also meant improved numbers.  The answer seems obvious, but I needed to see it to make sure.

After four months of eating better, exercising a little more and making healthy decisions, my cholesterol is down 75 points to 159, and my glucose has dropped 10 points!  Hello to a little more motivation!

Thank you all for being a part of something that is truly saving my life!

What We Feel, But Do Not Tell

I started this life-change by sending an open, very honest email to just about everyone whose email address I had in my gmail account.  At the time, that level of honesty was only shared with very few family and friends, and even then it was half-truths. I did not fully state the bad shape I was in mentally and physically.  I kept that hidden because it was embarrassing and I feared what others would think if they knew the whole story.

In actuality, this started long before that email.  This started long before I auditioned for Biggest Loser.  This started years ago, and only became public because of other life-changing experiences. 

In high school I suffered through a couple of "funks" in which I felt like I did not belong. Not ground breaking news for anyone that has attended high school, but it is not talked about by most people. The idea of feeling like shit for not fitting in, or not belonging was mocked by the "popular" kids.  I think I was part of the "popular" kids, but always felt like I was not doing, or saying what was "expected."  I felt I did not deserve my friends. I felt like I was not a good person. I did not meet some mythical standard.  Fear overwhelmed me.  (Special Thanks to Colin Rush. You know why!)

In college, more of the same, but not with the "popular" kids. Because who the hell knows what's popular in college?  You find people that have the same interests and values and form some unbreakable bonds.  I still had my "funks" where I felt like if I said the wrong things, or behaved the wrong way, I would be cast aside.  Although these "funks" were fewer and further between, they were still present.  After college, I moved back to the Seattle area, I suffered more and more from the feeling that I was not meeting standard.

"Funk, bad stretch, rough time, moody."  I hid behind these phrases for years.  They did not do it justice.  I was not doing myself justice.  I was suffering from depression. I felt it, but did not talk about it.  I knew it, but I didn't know it.  I am not trying to write in hyperbole.  It is hard to express how low I had sunk.

In the summer of 2006, I had a stretch in which I did not get off my couch for 13 days.  I didn't have the energy.  In order to be social, I would need to put on the "Ryan Show."  I would need to turn myself on, and behave like the Ryan people wanted, or how I perceived they wanted.  No one knew, because I would show up and be the person they had known for years. It was exhausting.  I would come home and collapse.  I decided that staying home was easier.  I convinced myself that people didn't really want to see me anyway.  Why would they?  I was not living up to standard.

In those 13 days, I sunk to my lowest.  I believed that no one really wanted to see me, know me, or be around me.  If they said, or did anything to the contrary, it was because they felt pity for me.  I had a plan to end the "Show" and to allow everyone off the hook for having to deal with me.  I would tell my family I was going to Oregon for the week.  I would tell my friends that I was going on a family trip.  That way no one would come look for me.  I had enough pain killers and muscle relaxers from my last lumbar injury to kill a horse.  I would just take a bath, and take the pills with a bottle of vodka.  I would not be saying goodbye to a cruel world.  I would be saying to goodbye to the false reality I had built around myself.

I stood in my bathroom, pills on the counter.  I did not intend to look, but I caught myself in the eyes in the mirror.  I saw the fear behind them.  I started to cry.  I called two people.  I could not form words. Only tears.  They did not know what to do. They just told me they loved me.  I believed them.  Not because of pity.  I believed the words.  I believed the feeling.  Thank you.

I have been in counseling off and on for nine years.  Who wants to admit that?  Most of us need it, but we do not say it.  If you hear one of your friends say they are in a funk, having a bad stretch, been moody lately, or going through rough times, please talk to them more.  Call them, stop by, take them to lunch.  Be their phone call when they can't form words.

Free Advice Part2

A few weeks ago I asked people to send me their weight-loss ideas and plans that have worked for them.  I heard from quite a few people, and I wanted to thank them for contributing to my knowledge on the subject of weight-loss.  The theme that resonated with everyone: This is not easy, but if you stick with the plan, it works.

Weight-loss plans, or Programs that have worked for people:
-Weight Watchers
-Eat This Not That
-Body For Life
-Juice Cleanse, or Juice Boosters (From the Documentary: Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead)
-hCG Hormone (This seems scary to me, but several people told me about it.)
-Biggest Loser (Work office competition)

Like I said in my previous post.  It's not easy.  It's hard.  Find what works for you and stick to it!

My plan has hit a plateau.  I feel like I need a shock to my system to get things rolling again.  Ideas for me?

As always, I thank you all for being my supporters and motivational sparks!

Free Advice For A Fee

"You know the secret to life?  I do!  And I 'll tell you all about it, in my book which you can buy for $19.95."

That's what I think of when I hear about most weight-loss food plans, exercise plans, pills or the like.

"It's so easy that you can do it in only minutes a day!"  You know what? It's not easy!

"All you need to do is buy my program..."  Oh, is that all?  It's a wonder we have an obesity problem if that's all you have to do!

"For as little as 27 cents a day, you to can have a body like..."  For as little as free, you can shut up!

I apologize for my bitter tone, but deception should not be part of any weight-loss plan.  Don't deceive yourself, and don't let others deceive you.  There are many ways to lose weight, and you need to find one that works for you and STICK TO IT!  That's the secret.  Stick to it!  No money required.

When I reached a 50 pound weight-loss, I received texts, emails and FB posts talking about the determination, the fortitude, and as one person put it, the stubbornness that it took to lose 50 pounds.  All of these ideas circle around, stick to it!

I gathered a large group to hold me accountable.  I read a book, Eat to Live.  I joined myfitnesspal.com.  I was given the P90 DVDs.  I read forwarded websites from friends.  Yeah, I spent some money, and yeah I have stumbled in my plan.  But I have stuck with it!

There you go.  Mystery solved.  Pick something that will work for you for the long-haul and stick to it!

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On a side note. I know that most of my readers have already agreed to sponsor my weight-loss, and it's shaping up to be a bigger donation that you would normally consider(And I thank you for that, from the bottom of my heart), but I wanted to share the fundraising page of my friend Gary.  He is on our Relay planning committee, and he works at Leota JH.  His life has been greatly impacted by cancer, and he has a hard time asking for donations.  Obviously, I don't... :)  Read his page, and if you feel like you can, or know someone that can donate to his efforts, pass it along.  Thanks!

Special Occasions and Special Pains

Irish Heritage is something that a lot of people try to claim.  Especially on St. Patrick's Day.  Any excuse to go out, get drunk and act inappropriately.  I have been that guy.  What I am talking about?  "...have been that guy."  It's not past tense, I am that guy!  Not this year though.  Alcohol has too many calories to consume in such mass quantities.  I am Irish though and if you need proof, checkout the picture below.  My family all look like little Leprechauns and I look like a giant Leprechaun.

What I did celebrate on Saturday night was my Mom's birthday!  We had her 20th Annual 41st Birthday Celebration at Jak's Grill in Laurelhurst.  Mom loves steak and baked potato, and you can't find a better deal on such a great steak than Jak's (IMO).  Chris, Kaelyn, Mom and I had a great time. Happy Birthday Mom!

Now, since I have started my life change, I have not had very much red meat.  I had one bun-free burger in Vegas, a couple of soft tacos at a friends house, roast beef with the VanGerpens and maybe one other time in that last two and a half months.  Logic would tell me to take it easy at my favorite steak joint, but food is one area that logic has never been my primary guiding factor.  I ordered the Jak's Filet Mignon.  It varies in size, but is usually around 20oz.  They raise their beef locally, use all natural feed and it is dry-aged for 28 days.  I don't want this to turn into a commercial, but I want to make clear the overwhelming forces that were upon me.

The steak was luscious, profoundly beefy and tender.  I was in heaven as I devoured the entire steak.  I may have even closed my eyes and moaned a few times.  Don't Judge Me!!  It was fantastic.  A few hours later was not fantastic.  My intestines were not used to that much beef bulldozing its way through, and the cramps were more than noticeable.  And I won't go into too much detail, but if my dog Boston were still alive, he would not have slept in the bedroom that night.  Even the dog would have had trouble breathing.

Lesson learned; no more 20oz steaks!

Linfield College

The Nursing Home in which my mom worked as a nurse was my first place to volunteer my time to others.  Countless hours spent with the residents playing bingo, helping them use a kids bowling set from their wheelchairs and feeding them their food.  In junior high I started volunteering at the Boys and Girls Club.  I helped start a teen program called Prime Time, to give teens a place to go on weekend nights instead of walking the streets.  At Linfield College, I had plenty of options to volunteer.

Right now, I spend hundreds, if not thousands of hours volunteering for Relay For Life.

I wonder what the future holds...

Finding Myself

Time, patience and determination.   How many times have you heard those words when talking about making a change, learning something new, raising a child, finding a job or improving the quality of your life?  For me, countless.  Educators will agree that these three words play a significant role in helping our students overcome obstacles and achieve to their best abilities.  And because I am an educator, I thought I had patience and determination coming out of me like Rush Limbaugh has asinine comments coming out of him.

I was wrong.  I did not fully appreciate the full complexity of truly being patient. Nor did I grasp the spirit of determination.  I still don't think I do, but I have a better idea.  I am learning and finding what I can do. Please read the latest blog post from a friend of mine.  She is why Relay For Life is important, and why this journey is worth the time, patience and determination.

8 pounds down the last two weeks. Total of 60 pounds.