Pickled Almonds

Tracking my calories consistently has been one of my struggles since school started back up three months ago.  Finding the time to track them could be an excuse because this school year seems to be the busiest one of my career thus far, but that would be a lie.  Using myfitnesspal on my phone is too quick and easy for time to be my issue.  I planned my meals so well, that I know exactly what my calories are could also be reason to not track consistently, and not only is that a lie, but a lie that I was believing.

One cup of oatmeal, 300 calories.  Tablespoon of raw sugar on my oatmeal, 15 calories.  Fuge Greek Yogurt, 120 calories.  And that is a somewhat typical breakfast, 435 calories.

Two slices of Sara Lee 45 Cal Wheat Bread, 90 calories.  One serving of Extra Crunchy Skippy, 190 calories.  One serving of Grape Jelly, 50 calories.  One sliced Red Bell Pepper, 40 calories.  One medium apple, 90 calories.  1/4 cup Almonds, 180 calories.  And that is a typical lunch, 640 calories.

Radams Custom Salad, 485 calories.  Too many ingredients to list, is a typical dinner.

Nu Go Bar, 170 calories.  Cliff Bar, 240 calories. Are typical snacks.

One day total of 1970 calories.  Right around my goal of 2000 a day to lose weight at a healthy pace.

So what is the problem?  Why am I continuing to struggle with putting a few pounds back on?

This week I became diligent in tracking my calories on myfitnesspal once again.  The results were a surprise, but then not a surprise.  We have all heard of grazing.  The little bites here and there that we put into our mouth and think nothing of at the time.  The small morsels that when they stand alone would be considered healthy, but when added up over a day can be the difference in gaining or losing weight.

While my oatmeal was cooking, I would munch on a few almonds because "a little extra protein in the morning will kick-start my metabolism."  When I got home from work I would have a 10-12 pickled asparagus spears, or green olives because "at five calories a piece, they won't kill me, and it's vegetables." I was having a beer, or glass of wine with dinner because, "I worked my ass off at work and I deserve it."  Of course I mean two or three drinks...Ugh!

These little bites, small morsels and "deserved" beverages added up to more calories consumed than votes were counted for legalizing marijuana.  I was taking on uncounted calories like the Titanic was taking on water.  And I was pretending there was not a problem, just like the crew of the Titanic did for the first hour of its demise.  Hopefully, I can grab some buckets and start bailing pickled asparagus spears, almonds and unwarranted beverages from my calorie count before this weight loss ship sinks to its demise.

Not Quite Shame, But Close

Responding to my subtle calls for help, friends now sit and wait for me to reply to their gentle words of care and concern.  Waiting for a hint that I am still in this life-change process.  Some praying for my strength and focus to return to its previous form.  To those friends, an answer is in the works, and I owe you for forcing me to search.  I owe you for being there, without being "Up In There."

Myfitnesspal, the web-based system with a phone app that I have used to track my food, has been missing me apparently.  Some friends have noticed that I have not logged on much lately and sent me gentle reminders.  My favorite was a message that just read, "If you bite it, write it."  Followed soon after with a, "Go Dawgs!"

A few friends that have been checking my blog have sent text messages that have asked if I have found my "weigh" and wondered if I needed help finding it because they have search lights and know a guy with a hound dog.  Another friend blamed me for his lack of sleep because according to him, he is staying up late listening for the glass ceiling to break.

Still a few more have reached out further and sent me encouraging FB messages, and asked about talking soon, or meeting.  I fight off the lump in my throat and watery eyes each time I read them.

Yet, I have not replied.  I have realized, while searching for my reply, that I have not lost my way entirely.  I have created some healthy habits and changed my life-style enough that I will not go back to the way I was before.  I don't even look at certain foods anymore.  I walk to talk to people at work instead of emailing or calling. It's more fun to see them, and I get more steps in my day.  My fruits and veggies are still way up from before and my meats and oils are still down.  I have not put back on a ton of weight, just 10 pounds.

I was reaching a low mentally. Not quite shame, which comes with some ugly eating, but it was close.  Those people that have reached out, kept me from that tipping point.  Thank you!

Time to pay you back with some healthy living!